Oh my goodness a girl at work is going through exactly what you are going through but she just turned 40. I don't know what to say but I think seeing the big 40 coming just around the corner scares a lot of people.

Why don't you just talk to him about it? No nagging, no ultimatums... Just an honest conversation about it having become more important to you than before. Once men are comfortable they often don't want to change anything and he may not have realised this was now something you care about.

I don't know if people ever understand exactly why they want to get married as it's such a complicated, emotional concept.

Hope it all goes well for you x

Oh, Hazel. I'm sorry you're feeling like this.
Maybe he wants to make it special in it's own right and not just associated with your birthday - a different date altogether to celebrate. x

This was great to read, a very honest post. I was never too fussed about marriage and my boyfriend was staunchly opposed to the whole thing, but once we knew we were together for good, I found myself getting pretty upset about it. I was shocked, as I really didn't think I was that bothered! He's come round to the idea and we're now starting to make vague plans. I'm also adamant that I want to get married before I hit 40 (3 years to go) and he's adamant that he doesn't want to get married until he's 30 (just under 2 years to go), so we have a pretty narrow window to fit the wedding into!

Maybe he's thinking exactly the same - hoping you propose to him!

My now husband and I were together 10 years before we got married. Two kids, a house, all of it except the marriage. I was always fine with it. I knew i wanted to marry him, but also knew that if we didn't get married, I would be just fine. I also told him that IF we were to get married, I wanted it to be before we were 40. He knew I was just as happy not being married, so he took his own sweet time proposing. It turns out that when he did, he told me that he had spent years looking for the perfect ring, and then held the ring in his pocket every time were were out together, just waiting for a perfect moment to propose. We are married now (6 months before I turned 40), and I am happy. But I think the thing of it is that he knew I didn't care whether or not it happened, so he waited for just the right moment. I bet this is how your boyfriend feels. I would tell him how you feel...that you are happy, but also starting to feel a little resentment because you feel that his procrastination means he doesn't feel the same way as you. But no ultimatums, no guilt...you never know where he is coming from until you talk to him. Best of luck! And think of it this way...are you happy? If so, then that might be enough for now. I always knew marriage wouldn't make us a better couple. We wanted nothing to change about our relationship once we were married, and it hasn't. Sorry for the length of this comment!

I think he knows how you're feeling in general but may want you to broach the subject for a discussion. I partially agree with the point that he may not want to propose on your birthday - how would he beat it next year etc.? :)

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Aah I felt like this too. Wasn't particularly fussed about getting married but suddenly got it lodged in my brain that he was going to do it & then every birthday / Christmas / holiday / romantic meal that went by without one I started to feel a bit sad.

I think it's something you bring up. It's not an ultimatum to discuss it, you just need to know he is thinking about doing some time! And I think the others might be right, maybe he didn't go for the obvious birthday proposal.

Sorry you had a such a bad birthday :(. Perhaps he doesn't realise how much it means to you and that you feel ready now. Men can be strange creatures. They don't always pick up on hints or subtle signs. I find the direct approach often works best with my husband!

modern relationships are weird and each one is different. I know quite a few couples that are unmarried yet have been together for ages. I agree with the sentiment of just talking about it, don't ask don't get and it is usually preferable to know exactly where you stand even if it's not somewhere you want to be left standing...
Who wouldn't want to marry you m'dear? x

Okay, so, funny story. I thought exactly the same at the birthday I've just had. Even though Ben and I have had an entire conversation about me not wanting it to happen on my birthday. But things were happening here and there and I got totally the wrong idea and then get far too excited about it. And then I worked out what I was actually getting. Luckily about 2 weeks before hand. Floods of tears when I opened my rather swanky iMac would not have gone down well. But like you, although I've been quite happy to see other (many) friends get married before us, I secretly thought it would happen before I was 30. In reality, we're not even engaged. I too, don't know where this sadness comes from, perhaps a deep down feeling that he doesn't want to marry me. And I think I'm too scared to ask that question. We've had many a conversation about getting married, but 10 years into our relationship I can't help but wonder if it's ever going to happen. So. In summary. I hear ya lovely!! xxx

Jenny told me about this post yesterday. I think you should talk to him, an honest, open conversation isn't a nag. Or if you find it difficult to broach the subject send him this blog post and ask him to read the comments too.
Relationships falter when couples don't talk, and if this is upsetting you as much as I think it is then you need to talk to him. He may not see 40 as a big milestone but he needs to know it's important for you, and it doesn't matter if you don't know why it's important.
If he talks about his feelings you might also feel better because you'll understand him too.