What to say when he doesn't proposeFriday, October 03, 2014
It was my birthday just over a month ago, and in all honesty I thought I'd be receiving an engagement ring. It was a thought that occurred to me a few months before, a thought that, once there, stuck in my mind and wouldn't go away.
I've never been overly fussed about getting married, always seeing it as something we would do 'in the future'. So, I can't explain why I had a feeling it would happen, I just thought it would.
When my friends started to get married (well over a decade ago now), one after the other, after the other, I had no real hankering to join them. I've always been the one to do everything in my own sweet time, preferring to do things at a time that's right for me and not just because it's 'the norm'.
The day of my birthday I was given my presents and we had a hasty breakfast before he had to leave for work. And then I cried. I cried rather a lot, and it was only then that I realised how much I wanted him to propose. Since then I haven't been able to stop thinking about it.
We've spoken about marriage before, talked about where it could be, how many people we would like to attend and in the past I've said that I'd like to be married before I'm 40. Forty seemed like a long way off then. I'm now 39, one month and 4 days old. I don't know where this feeling came from and I can't put my finger on why it makes a difference.
I don't want to nag him into it, I'm not the nagging kind. A friend of mine suggested an ultimatum. Again, this isn't my style. Apart from anything else an ultimatum would leave me questioning his motives. I want him to marry me because he wants to marry me and for no other reason than that.
And so I wait quietly and time ticks on. I wonder, not only about where the hell all of this came from, but also about why it suddenly matters so much more than it ever did?