How Do You Follow That?
Tuesday, October 16, 2018
I'm just going to get down some random bloggy / baby type thoughts before returning to my more standard posts.
Having been quiet on the blogging front for a while I often find it hard to write a post to bring me back into the swing of it. It's a thought I recognised when I read it on Betty's blog. Should you come back with a Bang! Or simply pick up where you left off, like you'd never been away? I guess it doesn't really matter what you do, people will still return to read what you have to say, and hopefully be glad to see you back.
I'm getting bored with some of my posts. My Buyer's Archive posts are starting to feel repetitive, but I can't bring myself to stop until I've completed the year. I don't want to stop sharing my clothing purchases altogether though. I enjoy seeing what other people buy, especially pre-loved items, so I don't want to stop sharing purchases altogether, I'll just have to find another way of writing about it.
My Weekend posts are OK as a way to remember nice things that I've done, as well as some of the more mundane tasks that find their way into my weekends. But I also do lovely things during the week too, so next year I'll change these posts to be a collection of memories that don't get to have a separate post all of their own.
I don't want this blog to be all about baby loss, and I don't think that it is, but it's a part of my life and I don't want to feel that I shouldn't mention it. Life has good bits and bad bits and the internet is full of people showing off their 'perfect' lives, even though we all know that life isn't perfect, and can get pretty damn hard and challenging at times. I want to be real, what's the point of offering up a fabrication? It's not that I want to be all doom and gloom, I try to present a positive outlook, but, sometimes you've just got to be honest and say 'so this happened' both on the internet and in real life.
Life has been really busy lately. I might only work part time but my to-do list has been insane. And life keeps throwing little challenges my way - the fridge, hairdryer, and dishwasher all broke down within a fortnight of each other. There are so many little jobs I want to do in the garden. Draft posts remain unpublished. I'm crafting for stalls I have coming up. Maybe starting to decorate our bedroom and plunging us into chaos wasn't the best idea? The contents of our room is spread all over the upstairs of the house.
I just don't seem to have enough hours in the day, and yet I wasted an afternoon in town because I convinced myself that I needed new shoes for the Memorial Service, when in reality I really, really didn't. If I'm honest I knew this at the time, but I was displacing my nerves about the service into finding the perfect outfit.
It'll all work out, there's nothing that's insurmountable, it just all feels overwhelming coupled with coping with the anniversary of losing our child. I know that as soon as I've finished the bedroom life will seem calmer. I just hate the clutter, the current disorganisation.
I'll keep plodding on, making daily progress and soon life will return to as close to normal as it gets.
And then it'll be time to start thinking about Christmas.
Here I was only a few weeks ago talking about how working part time allows me to live life at a slower pace. Maybe karma felt I was being a little bit smug?
Don't worry this isn't a cry for help, just a brain dump. I'm mostly OK, and for the moments that I'm not OK I just allow myself to be that way, during all the other times I'm pulling on my big girl pants and getting on with it.
Normal service will resume soon.
19 comments
I'm the same with my blog, I like to finish the year with things I've started, I don't like to stop half way through. I'm sorry to hear that things have been breaking down but you've had your three, you should be okay for a while now, fingers crossed.
ReplyDeleteI’m glad I’m not the only one!
DeleteI do hope that’s it on the breakage front, and I can start to make progress. The term ‘walking through treacle’ springs to mind
Xx
Your last post was written from the heart, there's no harm in following it with something fun or fluffy if that's what you want to write about. We're here for you when you're ready to post. xxx
ReplyDeleteThanks Vix
Deletexx
It IS hard writing after such an emotional post. I remember wanting to write after my Grandad died and it felt really hard. I always enjoy what you write Hazel, because I like you lots so it's always great to read your posts- I look forward to reading more be it sad, happy, frivolous or anything else!x
ReplyDeleteThanks Kezzie, I like you lots too
Deletexx
I have been thinking that recently. I'm not ready to get back to "normal" blogging yet, but I keep wondering how on Earth I'm supposed to follow all these posts about baby loss. It does seem wrong to go back to light-hearted/frivolous posts. But right now it also feels weird not to feel sad - I received some shoes the other day that I ordered before everything happened and was really happy that they looked just as good in real life and fit perfectly, then I immediately felt bad for feeling happy. Grief is such a strange thing.
ReplyDeleteI hope you feel less overwhelmed soon.
I guess we just just have to do what feels right on the blogging front, the answer will present itself I always find.
DeleteI felt normal for months after our loss, it felt wrong to feel so normal but, as you say, grief is a strange thing. I'm glad your shoes looked and fit well, and that it made you happy. Please don't feel bad for any moment of happiness that comes your way, it doesn't mean that you don't care, it's just that sometimes we can't have any more sad, and that moment of happiness sustains us for a while.
xx
You need not explain yourself to anyone my dear. Write whatever you wish, whenever the mood takes you.
ReplyDeleteI have felt so much lighter since I realised that I owe no explanations or apologies for being myself.
And on the subject of humour, I come from a family that cracks jokes at dark hours. I think it's completely ok and anyone who feels uncomfortable with that it's just tough. Humour is laced into every facet of life. xx
Thanks Sophie. I was just getting my thoughts out there. I guess this was my way to following 'that'.
DeleteI think humour in those dark moments is essential, Andy and I wouldn't have got through it without it. We made some pretty bad jokes (that we wouldn't ever say in front of anyone else) to each other, and found ourselves laughing at really inappropriate times, but it helped.
xx
Ugh yes it's so hard. And it feels hard that it feels hard!
ReplyDeleteBut at least when it's hard you know it can only get easier
Deletex
It might feel a bit odd to post something light after a heavy post like your last one, but surely that's a reflection of life, with its ups and downs. Please do keep on blogging about anything that's on your mind, good or bad. We're all hear to lend a listening ear when you feel the need to talk about your grief. And having a sense of humour, even in one's darkest hour, surely is a good thing! xxx
ReplyDeleteThank you Ann. I always feel safe to share on my little space on the internet.
Deletexx
I like your blog Hazel because you reveal yourself, the real you, which is refreshing, so hope you will continue just as you are. I don't like talking about clothes myself so much because I probably spend too much on them and feel guilty when I consider some followers may not live to my budget/standards! but I certainly don't judge anyone else and it's interesting seeing how you budget and put your outfits together, especially as it's a mix of pre-loved finds and old favourites in with something new to bring it up to date. I have really enjoyed your posts about your life on the farm the most and would love to see more. Your posts about baby loss are such a fragile part of you, at first I felt uncomfortable and didn't know what to put in the comments, but wanted to say something rather than nothing; I have learned from following your journey, seeing how emotions emerge, how something bad doesn't 'get better' although healing happens gradually and it's been so worthwhile to be allowed to look in on your journey, so thankyou :)
ReplyDeleteI will continue, that much I know. My blog has always evolved, it's very different now from how it was when I started 8 years ago. It's grown with me.
DeleteI started this as a fashion blog but now I'm passionate about style and pre-loved fashion. I often hope that I've encouraged even just one reader to venture into a charity shop and see what they can find. It's was fellow bloggers that opened my eyes to pre-loved. I love documenting purchases, and having a capsule wardrobe but think I could write about it differently maybe?
Thank you for commenting on my baby loss posts, every comment is a comfort. Being able to put my thoughts and feelings out there has been so helpful, it helps me to make some sense of it all. And looking back at those posts I can see how it's changed, how I've changed. Before I thought grief ended, but it doesn't, it fades but never leaves. Loss is always felt, but the pain of loss does fade. I feel like I'm doing OK, mostly life is good, some days are hard but then that's true for everybody. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and kind words.
xx
Your blog is one of my favourites, Hazel purely down to the points you mention. I'm a nosy bugger so I like seeing what you've bought each month and diary-style posts are always winners with me. It's never felt like it's becoming a baby loss blog at all so please don't think it has. I would much rather read honest, occasionally light/occasionally heavy posts from a normal woman I can relate to rather than having pages of sponsored ads with insincere wording rammed down my throat x
ReplyDeleteThank you, that's really lovely to hear. I'm not going to stop blogging about those subjects, but I might write / post about them in a different way instead, something less structured maybe, I don't know exactly yet.
DeleteI'm so glad my blog feels real and relatable, I do share a lot of my life on here, so when something goes wrong or is bothering me it feels natural to write about it.
xx
It's definitely harder to keep up with blogging when life gets busy. I'm unemployed at the moment but haven't had a day to myself for weeks... I'm desperate to return to my old lifestyle of part time work and few plans!
ReplyDeleteI've been feeling the same with my blog. So many people I used to follow have given up blogging, and no many people read my blog (and even fewer comment) these days so it often feels like I'm wasting my time. My regular posts have become a chore for me this year but I also like to finish things I start so I'll see out the year with those but will then probably have a blog re-think. I don't want to stop blogging as I do like looking back on past posts and events, but I am a bit fed up with it at the moment. I think life has just been too busy and it's another thing on the to do list right that I could do without now. It's hard to keep up with reading and commenting too!
I haven't been reading your blog for very long but I do enjoy it. I've never thought you're talking too much about baby loss. Like you, I use my own blog (or at least used to!) to share life events and such and it seems perfectly reasonable to me that sometimes, that's what you write about. You have a nice mix of interesting posts, be they good things or the not good bits in life.
Thank you for taking the time to comment x