My last post was a bit heavy, there's no easy way to talk about baby loss. Thank you for your kind comments, they mean so much. My blog has always been a safe place for me to write but I often wonder how to follow a post about such a hard subject. To jump into a light and meaningless subject seems, I don't know, not quite right somehow. The truth is I can switch from feeling sad to feeling upbeat easily in real life. Grief can sometimes be fleeting, and sometimes in the midst of sadness I can crack a joke, which can be surprising and unsettling for some.

I'm just going to get down some random bloggy / baby type thoughts before returning to my more standard posts.

Having been quiet on the blogging front for a while I often find it hard to write a post to bring me back into the swing of it. It's a thought I recognised when I read it on Betty's blog. Should you come back with a Bang! Or simply pick up where you left off, like you'd never been away? I guess it doesn't really matter what you do, people will still return to read what you have to say, and hopefully be glad to see you back.

I'm getting bored with some of my posts. My Buyer's Archive posts are starting to feel repetitive, but I can't bring myself to stop until I've completed the year. I don't want to stop sharing my clothing purchases altogether though. I enjoy seeing what other people buy, especially pre-loved items, so I don't want to stop sharing purchases altogether, I'll just have to find another way of writing about it.

My Weekend posts are OK as a way to remember nice things that I've done, as well as some of the more mundane tasks that find their way into my weekends. But I also do lovely things during the week too, so next year I'll change these posts to be a collection of memories that don't get to have a separate post all of their own.

I don't want this blog to be all about baby loss, and I don't think that it is, but it's a part of my life and I don't want to feel that I shouldn't mention it. Life has good bits and bad bits and the internet is full of people showing off their 'perfect' lives, even though we all know that life isn't perfect, and can get pretty damn hard and challenging at times. I want to be real, what's the point of offering up a fabrication? It's not that I want to be all doom and gloom, I try to present a positive outlook, but, sometimes you've just got to be honest and say 'so this happened' both on the internet and in real life.

Life has been really busy lately. I might only work part time but my to-do list has been insane. And life keeps throwing little challenges my way - the fridge, hairdryer, and dishwasher all broke down within a fortnight of each other. There are so many little jobs I want to do in the garden. Draft posts remain unpublished. I'm crafting for stalls I have coming up. Maybe starting to decorate our bedroom and plunging us into chaos wasn't the best idea? The contents of our room is spread all over the upstairs of the house.

I just don't seem to have enough hours in the day, and yet I wasted an afternoon in town because I convinced myself that I needed new shoes for the Memorial Service, when in reality I really, really didn't. If I'm honest I knew this at the time, but I was displacing my nerves about the service into finding the perfect outfit.

It'll all work out, there's nothing that's insurmountable, it just all feels overwhelming coupled with coping with the anniversary of losing our child. I know that as soon as I've finished the bedroom life will seem calmer. I just hate the clutter, the current disorganisation.

I'll keep plodding on, making daily progress and soon life will return to as close to normal as it gets.

And then it'll be time to start thinking about Christmas.

Here I was only a few weeks ago talking about how working part time allows me to live life at a slower pace. Maybe karma felt I was being a little bit smug?

Don't worry this isn't a cry for help, just a brain dump. I'm mostly OK, and for the moments that I'm not OK I just allow myself to be that way, during all the other times I'm pulling on my big girl pants and getting on with it.

Normal service will resume soon.