The first Saturday in October I went along to the Hemingstone Flower Show, but I've already talked about that here.

On the Sunday I made progress with decorating the bedroom. I did all of the cutting in, which isn't my favourite job. The room has three windows and an open built-in wardrobe to navigate, so it took a while. The evening followed a familiar pattern of watching Dr Who, and Strictly Come Dancing, accompanied by a huge helping of Maltesers.

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The following weekend started with me digging in the garden. I wanted to dig up a few plants and move another and I needed to get it done before the first frosts. I then visited our local Garden Centre - Roots and Shoots. I picked up some bark chippings to replenish what we had, but not before sitting for a while in their tea garden with a huge slice of Battenberg cake and a pot of Earl Grey.


Then I rushed into town for some last minute shopping I bought a dress and a pair of shoes to wear to a memorial service the following day, convinced that I didn't have anything to wear (which of course I did). Then I bought a second pair of shoes, fearing the first were too high. In the end I returned the dress and the second pair of heels. It was emotional shopping and I knew it.


I loitered in town for a while waiting for the light to fade. I wanted to see the Town Hall lit up with pink and blue to recognise Baby Loss Awareness Week. I have mixed feelings about the week, mostly to do with it being impossible to get away from should you need to. It might be that this year it's just too raw, but I felt bombarded by it. To get away from it I would've had to disconnect from life entirely. Part of me told myself not to hide, but there was a part of me that felt it was too much.


On the Sunday I went to a special Memorial Service for Remembering Precious Babies. I'd hoped that this would be helpful, soothing, or perhaps cathartic in some way. But it wasn't. The church was filled with small children, running around and making so much noise I couldn't hear what was being said. I'd been looking for quite contemplation, what I got was chaos. It left me feeling rather strange.

I left declining to take a white rose, only to be chased into the car park by a well meaning midwife, asking if I wanted one. 'It's only going to die isn't it?' I said. It was too much.

Back to reality, I enjoyed beans on toast in my PJs and watched Country File, Dr Who and Strictly Come Dancing, snuggled up to Andy on the sofa. I realised that that was all I really needed. Comfort in the familiar, and the knowledge that we lost something precious, went through something traumatic, and come out the other side stronger. I'd been looking for something and it turns out it was right under my nose all along.

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The following weekend I had to work on the Saturday as I knew I had a busy week coming up. It felt good to get ahead. The evening was spent in front of Strictly Come Dancing again.


The next day my DIY plans flew out of the window. Andy has been restoring his Grandad's Fordson Major and was ploughing with it. We met with his Dad, Sister and her family and spent a few hours watching Andy go up and down the field. The nieces and nephews all had a ride with Uncle Andrew and I had a go too. It wasn't hard to drive in a straight line but very enjoyable to be driving something with such history for the family. It was a beautiful day. I skipped with my eldest niece, helped my youngest niece look for worms and gratefully accepted the 'treasure' they dug up for me (two stones and a clod of earth).

We went back to Andy's parents for lunch - roast lamb and roast beef - and played cricket in the garden afterwards. Then we sat and watched Paddington 2, which I really enjoyed. I cried at the end.

We were home in time to watch Dr Who and Strictly Come Dancing. It was a near perfect day.

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The final weekend of the month saw me take Afternoon Tea with friends, more about my day is in my Photo An Hour post.


The next day I did some more decorating. I honestly think this might be the longest DIY project known to man, it certainly feels that way. I did procrastinate before getting stuck in by talking to, and messaging people about Christmas. I got it all organised. I know who will be where and when, what we're eating, and who's cooking. It feels good to have it sorted.

The evening was Country File, Dr Who, and Strictly Come Dancing. We really are creatures of habit.