Why did I feel guilty about working part time?

Wednesday, September 12, 2018

I've been working for myself for five years now. Over the last few years the work has settled to a slow pace meaning that I work approximately two days a week. And for months I felt embarrassed by this. I wasn't concerned by the lack of work. I wasn't looking or hoping for more work, and yet I would make excuses, 'it's usually quiet at this time of year' I'd hear myself say if anyone asked if work was busy.

But recently I realised that I didn't want to take part in the game of Let's See Who's the Busiest anymore. I'm not interested in working all the hours of the day, and rushing from A to B without a moment's rest in between. I'd equated being busy with being successful, with living a full life.

And then I realised that was utter crap.

I decided to stop being embarrassed about working part time, and decided to figure out what success really meant to me.

I know that I am very fortunate not to have to work full time. But it's not just about work, it's about all the things we choose to do in life.

And that's the important bit. We have a choice.

I often hear people talking about how very busy they are, they seem to wear it like a badge of honour. I call it The Glorification of Busy. But what's so great about being rushed off your feet all day, everyday? Are you achieving more? Are you happier if you've never got a spare minute?

I know I wasn't.

Now when someone asks if work is busy I say no. I tell them I'm only working about two days a week. They often look blank. Or assume I'm worried and ask about what self promotion I'm doing. When I tell them I'm not concerned I get more blank looks. It's like they're asking me 'what do you do with all your time then?'

I rarely sit around doing nothing. I have lots of plans, lots on my to-do list. Working part time isn't the same as having nothing to do.

I'm able to take my time over work or anything else I do. The pace of life is slower and it's wonderful. I literally have time to 'wake up and smell the roses'.

I don't have to rush. I have the time to plan, to be fully prepared, I have the time to be spontaneous. I have the time to start a task and finish it. I have the time to spend with family and friends. I have the time to try new things, to look after myself. 'Me time', the holy grail for some, but for me it's essential, it's self care. If you don't look after yourself, you have little left with which to look after others.

I can spend time on things that are important to me. I can spend a day with my family at a moment's notice. I have time to keep the house clean and tidy, and I have time prepare meals from scratch. I have time to do yoga every morning. When I sat down and asked myself what was important to me, what made me happy, these things were at the top of the list.

Nurturing relationships, improving my surroundings, and taking care of my husband and myself are the things that bring me the most happiness. Everything else comes after that including work, success, money, and material possessions.

Time is precious, it goes by so fast that I don't want to waste it by being too busy to enjoy it. We never know how much time we've got. So I work part time and spend the rest of my time doing the things that help to create a happy and calm existence, and that's not something I'm prepared to be embarrassed about.

What would you change (or what have you changed) in your life to have a little more time? What are the things in life that bring you the most joy?

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24 comments

  1. You should see the looks I get when I say I don't have a job. My kids are now grown and people assume that because they've now left home I should go back to work. We could always do with the extra money, but as you say, that's not the be all and end all, other things are more important than money.

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    1. Yes, I think people expect me to work full time because we don't have children. But I read a quote once that really resonated with me which was 'Some money costs too much'.
      xx

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  2. I really appreciate this post. I don't work full time and my kids are getting older so people assume that I am just lazy. I'm not. I have a lot that fills my days and I always have a long list of things I haven't gotten to. But this is the way of life that makes my family happy. I have time to take care of them. I have time to spend with them. I have time to cook. This is all good for them but it is good for me too. I could work more but, in the long run, we would lose out. This works for us even though it would not work for everyone. So, yes, thank you for this post.

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    1. I'm glad you have the time to spend with your family. At the end of the day it's the relationships in life that fulfill us, and those relationships need nurturing, it can't all be done outside office hours without something being sacrificed - usually our sanity!

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  3. Well said Hazel. I’m one of those people who is too busy and I’m at a point where I’m really feeling something has to change. It isn’t that I glory in being busy - it feels like a avelanche that I now need to dig myself out of.

    And to Jo - perhaps when people give you a look when you say you don’t work they are secretly envious!

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    1. I'm sorry to hear you're feeling this way. Do you have people who can help to take some of the strain, can you make small changes here and there to ease the load? I hope you can find a balance that tips more in your favour.

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  4. I guess we all have to do what is best for us and our circumstances … it's never easy, but often rewarding.
    We need to appreciate each and every moment, the days go by so quickly.

    All the best Jan

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    1. It's so important to spend our time doing more than just what we need to do. What we want to do , what makes our heart fill with joy are seldom at the top of the list.

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  5. I can totally relate to this post. After working full-time for nearly 35 years, I am more than ready to start working only 4 days a week (I can't afford less), and I am currently looking into the possibilities. Having more time for meaningful things is so important! xxx

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    1. I couldn't agree more. All this rushing around doesn't really get us anywhere. I hope you can gain a day, I know you won't waste it if you do!
      xx

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  6. i have worked in the same place for about 13 years and am lucky that as it is shift work they are very flexible about my changing the hours I do, over the years I have been able to change the shifts to suit changing needs. Currently I do a 12 hour day, and 2 eight hour days and that brings in enough for my financial needs. when my oldest was at uni I did more so I could help him - it's so lovely to have 'dropped' a day as I have time for days out, to be with my family, to garden and, like you, enjoy a slower pace. I don't feel guilty, I have worked since I was 15 and I see my current work/life balance as a reward I have earned. I would rather be without some material things than be short of the free time I have :)

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    1. That is so good. Flexible working is wonderful. My last job was rigid in it's hours, 8:30am - 5pm everyday. No room for movement, it was stifling especially for a creative position.
      The extra time is such a luxury, being able to live at a slower pace has been so life enhancing for me. And I'm with you - material things aren't as important as time.
      xx

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  7. What a lovely, refreshing post to read Hazel. I think you have a very sound outlook on life, just one of the reasons you are awesome. This has given me food for thought.

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    1. Thanks Sophie. I felt it was time to 'own up', I was keeping it to myself because I was embarrassed by my working part time, but I value the time more than the money, and I know I'm very lucky to be in a position not to have to work full time, but we do make sacrifices for that.
      Would love to talk about this with you more!
      xx

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  8. I do work on part time basis before too and its good. I get to have more time to spend for myself and my loved ones and also maybe find another job to add up.

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    1. Having the time is a real luxury, it's easy to forget how important it is.

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  9. I totally agree with you on this.

    I don't have a job right now yet still feel busy all the time (which I absolutely hate) but the job I just lost was 18 hours a week (plus an hour a day travelling) and I wouldn't want to work any more than that. People always assume I was just hanging in there whilst looking for full time, as if I'm somehow failing for working part time and it annoys me quite a bit!

    Dave works full time and between us, we own a home and two cars and can cover all our costs and don't have any debts. Yes, the extra money would make a massive difference to us, we'd be able to do a lot more (or buy a lot more books!) but I always feel that as long we earn enough, that's fine - time is far more important than money.

    It also annoys me when people ask me what I do with all my time off or assume I have loads of free time to help them with X Y and Z - there's so much else to do other than work, I've always got something to do!

    My 'free' time in the week is used to do all the household chores and keep on top of things like banking and whatever else life throws up, which means evenings and weekends are pretty free to do a we choose.

    Now I'm job hunting again, everyone assumes I want full time, but my goal is simply finding a job that's the right number of hours to maintain my part time lifestyle! Ideally, I would work 3 full days a week and have 2 weekdays off so that's what I'm hoping to find in a new job, though it's usually a few hours spread over 5 days in schools.

    Like you, my 'me time' is really important to me. I can't function properly if I don't get enough time alone or if I don't have time to clean the house properly so full time working and me would never work!

    It's a privilege to be able to work part time and I never feel embarrassed by it because it's just what I need and it works for me.


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    1. "time is far more important than money" Yes!
      I think I felt embarrassed because I'd always been bought up to contribute, to do my bit, to work hard, and with everyone around me working full time I felt like I was failing in some way, but when I realised what working part time allowed me to achieve in other areas of my life I began to realise that success isn't just about work.
      Good luck finding a new job, I hope you can find something that suits you.
      xx

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  10. It's weird isn't it- the sense of how being busy is good. I find my husband is always one for a project or having to do something (he keeps doing cover work for a music service he used to work for 7 years ago on a Saturday morning and he moans and groans about it every time yet he just can't seem to say no, whereas I am always firm on this front!) I think that if you CAN afford to work less, then that is SUPER, life is far too busy and it's nice that you are able to be there for family and to support Andy as well! I love the idea of not working every day but our mortgage is huge!x

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    1. I think the cost of living these days is so prohibitive to working part time. I know how lucky I am not to have to work everyday, and the hours I do work are well paid so full time work isn't essential for me. I cherish and am extremely grateful for, the time and opportunity to focus on things outside of work. Becoming brave enough to admit it took time because we're a society focused on success and money being the most important aspects of life.
      xx

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  11. You definitely shouldn't feel guilty about working part time. I always used to love working part time. However in the quest to do a job I love and work near to home I have ended up working full time. It is a difficult balance as fulfilling part time work is hard to come by so you should defintiely enjoy it as much as you can.

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    1. It's important to enjoy whatever you do, I'm lucky that being freelance means I love what I do and have time to see to all the other important aspects of life without feeling rushed. I know I'm lucky to be able to do so, but it did take a while to wrap my head around it.
      xx

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  12. Love this post! I've gone back to work part time following from Covid/furlough etc and I love it! I'm 28, no children and some people including friends and family think its bizarre (you should see the look on some of their faces), I constantly get sent full time job adverts and have comments made to me like "you could do that, why don't you try this, think of how much money you'd earn" - like it's wrong to be working part time on a part time wage?

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    1. So glad you liked this post. It’s mystifying that people can’t understand the value of having time. That money is more important. I’m not working now that Bub has arrived and no one questions my not working. I wonder how old she’ll be when people start to expect me to get back to work…?

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